Mom at 36
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12:57:13 pm on June 16, 2008 | # |
An online (subscription) group I’m currently a member of shared a link about how “everybody lies about parenting”.
Author’s credibility aside (Trunk’s credibility as a career expert has been questioned - read her book’s Amazon reviews), Trunk has touched upon a worthy subject, and yes, the whole “motherhood myth” is doing everyone a disservice, not just women, but men, children, and society that feeds on the myth.
The motherhood myth is the same thing as other myths. For example, people who are married happily can tell you that it’s ridiculous to believe that a marriage is perfect 24-7 and that both parties are constantly starry eyed with each other. They will also tell you that there are sacrifices to be made, and that both will have to choose to grow together instead of becoming roommates growing in different directions.
I’ve found the same thing as motherhood. I no longer work in a corporation (I became an entrepreneur in 2004) and when I became pregnant in 2007, I knew that my life was going to change, and with this, my priorities including my career and ambition. When I became a mom, I decided to just stop my business. Literally. Because I knew I couldn’t juggle both and feel the level of satisfaction I want to feel with either my career or my new experience as mother. I am lucky in that I’ve created a virtual component to my business, so perhaps I keep 10% in touch with it. But I stopped prospecting or developing new business and I sent out a “farewell, everybody” letter on my website announcing that I was moving on.
It is unfortunate that we sometimes see an incomplete picture of parenthood, and this perpetuates a “super woman having it all” myth that makes many feel inadequate when they are doing a wonderful job making the best of their personal situation.
Now, I titled my post, “Parenthood Lie” not “motherhood lie” because I believe this myth covers fatherhood as well. My husband will be the first to tell you that he adores Bebe, yet his love for Bebe was cultivated over time, and through bonding. When my husband and I were attending prepared childbirth classes last year, one of our favorite videos watched was a “reality video” made by dads about what being a father was REALLY like. Can you believe that our instructor told us privately that this video is often rated the lowest by the classes? I think it’s because many people are afraid of hearing the truth about being parents - the exhaustion, the drastic lifestyle changes, the thankless days and thankless nights (by your little one who only knows how to sleep and scream for the first few months of life) - the reality dashes the beautiful fantasy paved forth by many expectant parents, and frankly, they may be pissed when someone comes along and pricks that dreamy bubble.
It is completely aligned with my experience in the first class, when NO ONE - and I mean NO ONE - mentioned PAIN AND FEAR when the instructor asked us what the couples thought of childbirth! Are you kidding?
My husband and I will be the first to say to people who ask us about how we like being parents that, “This is very, very hard. We made sacrifices and drastic lifestyle changes because of it. We’ve lost sleep, argued, and panicked over parenting our baby. We do miss alone-time and the freedom to go to a movie on a whim and hour-long conversations during spontaneous ‘date nights’. But we love our baby very, very much. Our baby’s smile brightens our world and warms our hearts the way we cannot begin to imagine until we’ve experienced it ourselves.”
Aida 12:08 am on June 18, 2008 | #
there a lot of things concerning parenthood that are lies..lol who ever said having a baby makes a couple closer is lying or never had kids!!! parenthood as beautiful as it is…is partly slavery..
Mom at 36 8:58 pm on June 18, 2008 | #
I hear you, I hear you! That is indeed a big fat lie. Whoever thought they could keep a marriage together by having a child must be misinformed.