motherhood is hard.

This past week has been really mentally and emotionally tough, and it has nothing to do with the pregnancy.

First, my Paypal account got hacked into, and almost $900 was taken out. Thankfully, I was online and got the notification almost immediately (within 10 minutes of this occurring). I got on the phone with Paypal and started an investigation. Before the day was over, I got the charges reversed and got my money back.

Then, one of our neighbors across the street got a new dog that barks incessantly and for many hours at a time. At first I figured it was a new dog, and new dogs sometimes get anxious but may calm down over time. This was not the case. A month ago, I wrote a note and posted it on their door. I decided to put my name and phone number on there since I was just across the street, and writing anonymous notes didn’t seem right. The problem got better after that, but this past week the dog began barking again – on the day my Paypal account got hacked. I wrote another note with my name and number on it. Later in the afternoon, the neighbor called and got snippy about finding notes on his door when he came home from work. My husband and I ended up going across the street to speak with him face to face. The neighbor said he found the note “offensive” (my note was polite and described my concern for the well-being of the dog) and that I should have just gone over to talk with him. Hubby told him that I had waited for quite a while for the problem to resolve, and only after it didn’t get better did I decide to contact the neighbor. Also, we never know how people would react when put on the spot, which was why a polite letter seemed the safe way to go.

Most of the websites I’ve read online about incessant barking dogs suggested not confronting owners face-to-face, or even disclosing your name, and instead file a report with the city. I told this neighbor that I didn’t mean to offend, but obviously if I was trying to be mean, I wouldn’t be dumb enough to put my name, address, and number on there so he would know who I was. I could have just reported it to the police or filed a barking dog report with the city – an action most people take. Barking dogs have been a problem severe enough in our city that there is a municipal code for incessant barking dogs. This is because we live in an area where houses are right next to each other and there are no large yards for dogs to roam. As a result, some owners leave their dogs out in small, confined spaces for the entire day while they go to work. Then people who work from home-based offices like me (and my clients when they call) get to listen to these dogs howling and barking continuously. Did this neighbor apologize? No. He was so focused on “a note on his door when he gets home from work” that he thought of himself as the victim even though his barking dog has been disturbing me and probably other neighbors who work from home for some time.

To top off the week, one of my websites was hacked into. I didn’t know the hack had occurred, because it was on a site where I had put only one HTML page up. During the week, I got an angry email from someone who thought I was responsible for setting up a phishing site. I was puzzled and wrote it off as “sent to the wrong address/person”. Then I got another email that was more helpful to let me know that someone had installed a phishing web page on my website. I visited my website and didn’t see anything different, but I made the mistake of not going into the online file manager; I would have seen multiple folders hidden behind the root file. The phishing page was located 4 folders deep. This article basically described what happened to my website, although I am not the client that the author is talking about. I do use MacAfee, but have now installed an anti-spyware, anti-adware, and a different antivirus/firewall software since this incident.

As a result of this, the financial institution that was being spoofed alerted my webhost, which then nullified my account’s IP mid-Thursday morning. This means data stops going in or out of that IP address. In other words, all sites stopped working. I spent the weekend resolving the issue, and once the IP null block was removed by Saturday, I needed to reinstall all of my websites. Since I didn’t know what exactly was “the offending script”, I didn’t want to take any chances. I deleted many of websites instead of potentially backing up something risky.

All these events left me feeling quite despondent and frustrated. Mentally and emotionally, I handled these violative incidents quite well given the circumstances, but last night I began to feel really overwhelmed. My tail bone and hips have been hurting more now that more weight is bearing down. It was tough to sit and work and tough to stay asleep, which doesn’t help how I feel mentally and emotionally.

Hubby noticed that my mood has been sliding downward last night. So he washed and conditioned my hair and scrubbed my back while I stood there in the shower. I was shedding silent tears, partly from frustration with the past week’s events and partly from gratitude of having hubby caring for me the way he does. Hubby moves me with the little things he does that show his high regard for me and for my well being. I feel lucky to have Hubby as my life partner and best friend. He’s also going to be a great dad.

I have a history of clinical depression so I have been watching myself carefully emotionally and physically. What’s happening with me can affect baby J. I’m responsible for caring for both myself and baby J as best as I can.

After the shower I steeled myself with perspective. The world isn’t coming to an end. These feelings will pass. I have caring friends and an amazing husband. In the big picture, I am a very lucky person.