Every Monday, our local grocery store has a “meal deal” where we get 8 pieces of fried chicken, a pound of potato salad, and 4 sweet dinner rolls for US$6.99.

For years, whenever hubby and I get the fried chicken meal, I eat both drumsticks and my hubby eats the chicken breast and a wing, and he saves the rest of the chicken for the next two meals.

I don’t know if it’s a chinese thing but drumsticks seem to be the most coveted part of the chicken. They’re definitely my favorites! Since my mom came to stay with us, I’ve given her both drumsticks, because drumsticks are her favorites too. I eat the thighs, and my husband no longer has two extra meals out of the meal deal.

Having my mom here has been stressful to say the least. She’s here helping me with bebe, and she tries her best. But our household’s been turned somewhat topsy-turvey in these six months that she’s been here, and there has been much tension over the months between her and my husband because of her living habits, but more because of my relationship with my mother. My husband gets more bothered by the way he sees my mom “relate” with me than he is bothered by the way she’s kept the condition of her room.

My mom and I have had some fierce arguments over these months, and a couple of days ago, we had another one of those loud shouting matches where bebe ended up crying because we were yelling very loud. I felt bad for bebe, he was frightened, but I was SO fed up by some of the things my mom was complaining about.

Out of my exasperation, I shouted, “Just tell me how much you think I owe you for all the sacrifices you keep saying you’ve made! How much do you want? Tell me! All you and dad did was about the money, supposedly in OUR name, but you chose money over family relationships! You split our family apart, you were never here! I supported myself through college and grad school, and you and dad just up-and-left the country! You didn’t even visit me once! You left all your real estate investment mess with me, and I wasn’t even 20 years old! And when I had no one and I was struggling to keep going in graduate school, you told me that I should quit and look for a rich guy to marry! Now that I’m doing well, all of a sudden you’re saying it’s because you brought us here to the U.S., that we should have a better future! Every month I hear about how so-and-so’s kids treat their mothers so well and what crappy kids we are – but look at what kind of mothers those kids have, and look at you!”

OK, I think from the above you would have a pretty good idea of the type of dysfunctional relationship I have had with my family, and especially, my mother. I also wished that I had better command of the chinese language, because I wasn’t able to express myself as I wished I could have expressed myself. Arguing in broken chinese sucks.

Anyway, like other arguments, including the very bad ones, it all blew over and even though there were some awkward silences, by the end of the night, we were operating business as usual. I told my husband about the fight I had with my mother when he got home. As expected, my husband was upset because he perceived my mom as hardly appreciating what help I have offered her when she has been here.

So yesterday, when we got that meal deal, once again, I offered my mother both drumsticks. This time, though, my husband summoned up what little command of the chinese language (and it wasn’t much, therefore he had to make tremendous effort), and as my mom was taking the drumsticks, he said in chinese:

“do you know that this is her favorite? she always eats the drumsticks. but because she knows this is your favorite, she gives these to you!”

My mom was surprised and said, “i thought she said that she likes the wings and she doesn’t like the drumsticks!” she turned to me and said, “i thought that’s what you said!”

“Mom, when have you ever seen me eaten a wing?” I said. I don’t like wings because there’s nothing much on ‘em to eat! I’ll only eat wings when there is a basket full of them and they’re coated with hot buffalo wing sauce.

My mom then offered to split the drumsticks – she’ll take one and I’ll get one. I thought for a few seconds and accepted. I inhaled that drumstick. I really missed eating drumsticks, and it tasted damn good!

Later my husband told me that he couldn’t stand by and watch my mom take for granted all the concessions big and small that she’s received from me, but either didn’t acknowledge or was not even aware of.

“it’s not that I don’t want you to be nice to her, whether it’s buying all that crap she wants for her or giving her money or even giving her the drumsticks that are your favorites,” said my husband, “it bugs me when I see her constantly criticizing you, interrupting you, and generally not appreciating how good you are to her.”

I gave my husband a big hug.

Image by Robbie Owen-Wahl (UK)