motherhood is hard.

We’ve been trying different formula brands for Baby J, because we’ve received free samples from formula companies (Similac and Enfamil).

I don’t know if all this switching around is a good idea for Baby J. I want to make up my mind and stick to one brand.

Baby J has been taking Enfamil the longest, because that was what he got at the hospital when the nurses fed him. At the hospital he was fed 2-oz-sized, ready-to-use nursing bottles. We’ve tried Enfamil powder and ready-to-use liquid. I’ve found that the ready liquid form seemed to make Baby J very gassy, and he would bear down hard and cry in discomfort. He did not get as gassy with the powder.

We tried the Similac Soy because we had a free sample. We noticed that the soy formulation seemed to greatly reduce Baby J’s gassiness and spit up, to the point where his feeding sessions became relaxed and quiet. However, he became constipated on it and would have a bowel movement only once every 3 days when he used to “go” once a day. He also seemed very uncomfortable when he was having a bowel movement. Then the pediatrician told us that all babies 1 year and older are supposed to drink cow’s milk, and if Baby J is not using his lactase (enzyme that breaks down lactose) because he’s drinking soy, then he may feel bloated and uncomfortable when the time comes to drink full fat cow’s milk. Kind of ruined my plan for going full soy for his feeding! (I also jumped the gun and bought a big can of Similac soy formula, which is now just sitting there as I debate whether to use it at all.)

Recently we signed up for a Costco membership, and bought their private label (i.e. “store brand”) formula called Kirkland Signatures. When I first opened the can, I didn’t like the texture of the powder. Compared with Enfamil powder, which was very fine, the Costco brand seemed coarser and appears to contain more moisture because the powdery granules clump together. I also didn’t like the way it smelled compared with the Enfamil brand. Granted, I don’t like how formulas smell in general, the Costco brand seemed a bit more pungent than the Enfamil brand. Baby J also seemed to spit up more on the Costco brand.

I was rueful that I’d be wasting a totally fine can of Costco formula (they sell the formula in 2 canister packs) and that I’d end up spending more money because I wanted to continue giving Baby J the Enfamil powder. I’m especially concerned about the amount of latent spit-up Baby J seemed to have with the Costco brand, meaning it takes him a while to spit up a large amount, which would be bad if I put Baby J back to sleep after feeding him. What if he ends up choking on the large amount of spit-up? My husband called me “rigid” for wanting to switch back to the Enfamil. I told him that I’m the one who feeds Baby J many times more than he does, and I observe how Baby J reacts to the formula. I’m pissed off at my husband for his lack of appreciation for these types of details and for calling me rigid.

So do formula brands matter? Well, this article says no, and advises us to, in fact, opt for store brands and be proud of the savings. However, my personal experience tells me that brands do matter to some babies whose digestive systems may be sensitive to the specific formulation, even when the FDA requires all formula brands to contain a certain amount of critical ingredients. If I could, I’d love to use the more cost-effective brand and save a pretty penny in the long run.

Today I was all ready to wrap Baby J up and walk to the grocery store to get myself an overpriced can of Enfamil… and wouldn’t you know it, Enfamil dropped off 2 sample canisters of their powder in our mailbox, because I had signed up at their website a few weeks ago.

(I still wrapped Baby J around me and walked to the grocery store, though, and bought myself a big bottle of cappucino protein drink and 3 big chocolate cookies. I finished 2 of the cookies by the time I got home.)

Image source: Costco

Related: Switching formula brands on Yahoo Answers

Today I went for my 6 week postpartum check-up at the ob/gyn. This was the first time since my pregnancy that I came on my own; my husband had accompanied me all other times. Now he has to stay home and watch Baby J if I needed to go anywhere.

It was kind of weird to watch pregnant women in the waiting room… I thought, “I looked like that not long ago!” I tried remembering how I felt when I was a pregnant woman sitting in the waiting room, the feeling of expectation and excitement and apprehension rolled into one.

I hadn’t weighed myself since labor and delivery. Today was my first “weigh-in” since pregnancy. My last pregnancy weight was 140 pounds. Now, at 6 weeks, I weigh 124 pounds. I guess it is true what they say about labor and delivery: you can lose almost 20 pounds just by giving birth to your baby, with the baby weight and amniotic fluid weight.

The doctor asked how I was feeling. It was his standard greeting every time: “How are you doing?”

I said, “I feel like a machine that’s missing a few washers. Things don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m not properly sealed and I feel leaky.”

For those of you who have ever given birth vaginally, you’ll know what I mean. “Your whole ‘plumbing’ changes.” I’m still getting used to the way I feel, now that I’m no longer in pain from the tearing and the stitches have long dissolved (see this article on perineal tearing). I waited a while before sneaking a peak “down there” to see what’s going on. Things don’t look too different, but they don’t look the same, either. Things look… well… “exposed” to me, but that’s from the few seconds of peeking I took.

Now that my belly isn’t pregnancy-huge anymore, I can see all the stretchmarks in their blazing glory on my belly. I know this is a cosmetic issue, but psychologically I don’t feel that great about the way my body looks because of the appearances of stretchmarks. Even though these should eventually become barely visible and “turn silvery” as the doctor said, they don’t look silvery now.

Before I became pregnant, I jogged a couple of times a week for a couple of miles each time. It was my way of getting cardio exercise and keeping my weigh in check. I started jogging last Friday. It’s been 10 months since I jogged. I was sore and in pain after my jog, although a big part of that was the physical stresses of taking care of Baby J (holding him, burping him), especially now that he’s gaining weight and is becoming heavier. My muscles all over my body hurts – even my heels hurt! I took a couple of ibuprofen after the fact, and on Sunday, went for another jog. This time I jogged – and partly walked – 2 miles.

For me, physical appearance plays a huge part on my postpartum mood. I feel woeful when I tried pulling on my loosest pre-pregnancy pants and couldn’t get it past my hips. For the past 6 weeks I’ve been living in yoga pants and loose sweat pants. I didn’t take the advice of our prepared childbirth class instructor and bought postpartum clothes. In a way I wanted the motivation to lose as much of my pregnancy weight as possible. However, my sweet tooth sure has returned and I’ve been chomping down those Christmas chocolates that my husband got over the holidays :-p